You Are My Silver Lining

couple cuddling under lightsTwenty20 / @edric

It was probably one of those few things that I never thought I’d still get to experience. I’m not sure if it was with the way you smiled at me that day… or how you walked all the way from the double doors of the café towards me, panting as beads of sweat trail down from your forehead to your eyebrows. It was even a little funny how you thought that you kept me waiting, when I literally just got inside the establishment a couple of minutes earlier than you did. You apologizing about it made me a bit giddy, was that weird to say? You certainly have your own way of making my heart flutter. I wanted to say something cheesy, like how you made it just in time, pertaining to the fact that you came into my life at the perfect moment… and you make me so happy.

It was that day and I couldn’t be more evident about it than I already am. My heart found its home in you. I wasn’t scared and I wasn’t confused… I am sure of you, of us. And I’m not going to make the biggest mistake of my life by just letting you pass by. Of course, not again. I want you and I mean it. I had definitely not longed for anyone else the same way that I have longed for you.

You are exactly the lingering hope that I had always unconsciously waited for. There may have been times that I’d put on a face and tell everyone how I’m so fed up with dating that I don’t mind not being in a relationship again… but I know in my heart that the little girl in me who’s been a hopeless romantic ever since still existed.

For numerous times, I had imagined myself being cautious with falling in love again. How the first few days would scare the hell out of me, how my thoughts would cloud my judgment and how I will be insanely annoying for anyone to tolerate. I thought I’d have a hard time putting my heart out there again, but you made it a walk in the park. Everything was laid out as how I would want it, lovely and enticing… even with all the flaws that came with it. All that’s left to do was to take the leap and enjoy every bit of the wonderful person that you are.

In all the ways that you are unpredictable, you defy everything I knew about love… and that’s when I realized what I have with you is real.

While others get drunk at the stares of the person they love, your stares kept me sober. You gave me clarity. Being with you brought me to a state where I have everything aligned and figured out. I know what I’m getting at and I know that I’m taking the route I have always wanted, but was too hesitant to take. Call me sappy, but you gave my life the direction it needed. Not the usual bettering myself for others to appreciate me, but to what I am truly happy with… what is even better than happiness, right?

While there are those who downplay the harsh truth of being in a relationship, you gave me the reality of it. You showed me how it will never be just rainbows and butterflies, or always happy endings… and yet you made me believe that it’s worth the try. Bad times will come, and even tougher ones will parade our way, but you assured me that you’ll stay… that you will hold my hand through it all, as long as I will never let go of yours.

While people I know fall head over heels in love with their significant others… you worked your way in making me fall in love with myself day by day. You taught me how I will never be able to truly be in relationship with someone else unless I value my self-worth. Because of you, I bid goodbye to all my insecurities and I learned to embrace the imperfect human that I am. I realized that I will never find a heart that will love me until I show my own heart how much love I deserve.

You are the silver lining I have always been in search of behind the clouds of doubts and hesitations that surround me. I may not have found you sooner, or probably even missed out on you a couple of times, but you pulled me back at the right time. Your laughter warmed my heart at a time when I couldn’t even remember what it’s like to adore someone.

When I think of bliss, I think of you.

And now I know that this is what I needed…

Your hand intertwined with mine as you sat down beside me.

Your eyes that always see me beyond the number of things I lack.

Your heart that chooses me over and over again.

You in this lifetime. TC mark

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