Thanksgiving is the time we celebrate America’s greatest traditions: racism, pillaging minorities, and gluttony. My family is from the South, so somehow we still have all three at our table every year. I play this fun drinking game with myself where every time someone makes an offensive comment I drink. I tend to fall asleep before I die of alcohol poisoning, so it’s fine.
However, on Thanksgiving, I am totally pro-gluttony and I plan to shove too much of every side dish into my mouth as fast as possible. Let’s be real, the side dishes are the point of Thanksgiving, we only eat the turkey because it’s expected and it’s a pain in the ass to cook. If you’re like me and you’re going to drown your problems and disrespectful relatives in wine and pumpkin pie, you need to dress accordingly. That means pants that look chic for photos, yet can expand enough to accommodate your inevitable food baby. Before you give up and buy maternity pants, try these first.
I wear leggings as pants on the reg, so I don’t really GAF about the whole “leggings aren’t pants” debacle. However, if you want to look put-together and still have maximum stretch and comfort, try a pair of liquid leggings that look like leather. Pair these with a cute oversize sweater and booties and you’ll look fall-ready, but be totally comfortable. Get a high waisted pair to really disguise your giant stomach and still look teeny AF in photos.
What kind of psycho wears jeans to Thanksgiving? Are you trying to get that look where your fat gets deep red marks the second you sit down? F*ck no. So if you must wear jeans with your outfit, skip the actual denim and opt for a pair of super stretchy jeggings. Just please don’t wear the ones with the v obvious elastic waist unless your shirt or sweater covers it. They look stupid. These “jeans” from Vibrant are actually jeggings. They are so soft, stretchy, and look exactly like real jeans. I have the skinny, high waisted, and flares ones in almost every wash. They stretch so much so they’re great if you have eaten an insane amount of food. They are also so cheap!
Who says palazzo pants are just for spring and summer? Palazzo pants are the best because they basically feel like you’re wearing pajamas but they look super put-together. You can wear whatever floral or tribal prints that you already have from this summer, but if you really want to make the look feel more fall-appropriate, choose a more autumnal fabric, like velvet. I just got the most amazing green velvet pants and I’m obsessed. And they are totally appropriate for both photos and instantaneous obesity.
Are jumpsuits considered pants? Is butter a carb? I don’t care. They’re super comfy, stretchy, and look really chic, but still feel like you’re wearing sweats. Plus you can choose cuts that skim over your stomach and won’t restrict you as you’re eating seven rolls of bread.
Culottes are another fabulous outfit option under the “pretend pants” category. They’re easy to style, super stretchy and comfortable, and wearable in any season. Find some with a tie waist or other detail to distract from how rapidly you’re expanding.
Images: Giphy (1); Unsplash/Cortney White; Kohls/Vera Vera Wang; Amazon/Vibrant; NA-KD; Lulus; ASOS
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