Mercury Made Me Do It: Weekend Horoscopes March 14-16 Betches

First of all, let’s start with a reminder that Mercury is still in retrograde. No, that doesn’t mean you can blame that for all of your problems. As tempting as it might be to retreat into your bed for the entire month of March, that might not be the most productive path forward, depending on your sign. Yes, you might still do it anyway, and that’s okay. But this weekend, try to really listen to yourself and decide what your body and spirit needs. That might be a chill weekend on the couch, or you might be f*cking raging for St. Patrick’s Day. Have fun pretending you loooove Guinness! Let’s see how the first planet is going to f*ck up …

Diggy Moreland’s Bachelor Season 23 Finale Recap Betches

I never thought I’d say this, but like the Boys II Men song, “It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye” to The Bachelor Season 23. Yes, a season where we allowed a 26-year-old man to put us under Citizens Arrest for TWO WHOLE MONTHS. Men and women canceled their new years resolutions in exchange for arguments with their TV and beating boxed wine to its expiration date. But hey, all good things must come to an end, right? Let’s hope one of them is this virginity talk. Let’s see how the two-night finale, that could’ve been an email, shook out. Chris Harrison (dressed like a hearse driver) decides to rip the scab off that had began to heal by starting Monday’s …

The Most Obvious Celebrity Photoshop Fails Ever Betches

Celebrities just cannot get enough of Photoshop. And by “Photoshop”, I don’t actually mean Photoshop, because none of them have a f*cking clue how to actually use Photoshop. Photoshop is a difficult software that requires a ton of time and classes to learn. My degree is in Digital Arts, so I know this sh*t. What I actually mean is, celebs can’t get enough of a crappy app that takes them about 10 minutes to really poorly manipulate or edit their photos. When in doubt guys, hire a pro (hi). My work is seamless. I could be a lizard woman for all you people know (but like, don’t tell). Celebrities trying to alter their photos is not necessarily anything new, but it is puzzling. Most …

Where To Buy Kylie Jenner’s Most Iconic Outfits Betches

Even if I don’t envy Kylie Jenner’s current situation right now, I certainly envy her look. I mean, if nobody aspired to look like Kylie, would she still have her makeup empire? Would lip fillers still exist? It’s seriously doubtful on both accounts. So I’m not ashamed to admit that I want to look as good as Kylie, because her outfits and makeup are always on point. (And she’s worth almost a billion dollars, but that’s totally not at all why I aspire to be her.) But let’s be honest here—since Kylie Jenner is worth 900 bazillion dollars, she can buy whatever clothes she wants, even if she’s only going to wear them once. I, however, have a total of …

Leaving Neverland Is About More Than Michael Jackson Betches

In the past 48 hours, I watched the entirety of Leaving Neverland, director Dan Reed’s two-part, four-hour documentary about two men who claim to have suffered sexual abuse as children, and how they grapple with that trauma to this day. To say I have an emotional hangover would be an understatement—I am sad in ways I didn’t know I could be. While sob-emoji texting my friends, though, I noticed a pattern. When someone hadn’t heard of Leaving Neverland, I clarified: I was watching “the Michael Jackson documentary.” And it’s true—the man accused of sexual abuse in this doc is Michael Jackson, and “Neverland” in the title refers to Jackson’s 2,800-acre ranch, where he allegedly abused an unknown number of prepubescent boys …

How To Drink More Water & Stay Hydrated Every Day Betches

Whenever there is anything wrong with me, the advice I always get is “drink more water.” A headache? Drink more water. Hungover? Drink more water. Broken leg? Drink more water. I used to think that it was my doctor’s mom’s way of shutting me up and dismissing my symptoms. But seriously, water has a plethora (*flips hair*) of benefits. It really is that bitch. Who knew! The benefits of drinking more water include increased energy and brain power, flushing out toxins, promoting weight loss and management, improving your skin (bye bye pimples), and tons of others. Needless to say, if there is anything  wrong with you, drink more water. But it can be v hard, so here are some tips …

Apartment Decor Under $50 That Looks Chic, Not Cheap Betches

1. Himalayan Salt Lamp Himalayan Salt Lamp, $34 2. Flowers and Fake Plants Peony Faux Flower Bouquet, $29 3. Coffee Table Books The Swimming Pool in Photography, $37.40 4. Rugs House of Hampton Charlotte Hand-Woven Faux Sheepskin Area Rug, $41.99 It may seem obvious, but adding rugs in your apartment is an easy way to elevate your space by making it seem bigger, while also bringing the room together. Look for rugs with simple patterns or texture details to make your space more homey and overall more chic. I personally am a sucker for a faux fur rug, but you have to be careful not to buy one that looks tacky. The faux fur should feel soft, not rough, and …

Spring Is…Coming? Weekly Horoscopes Feb 25-Mar 1 Betches

You feel that, betches? Spring is right around the corner. It’s a far away corner at the end of football field-sized hallway, but it’s around the corner nonetheless. This week is the perfect time to spring clean your soul before spring cleaning everything else. Take the Marie Kondo approach to yourself, and drop anything or anyone that does not bring you joy. Not sure how? Find out in your weekly horoscopes below. Taurus Gemini All work and no play makes you literally insane, Gemini. If you’re not careful, this is going to be the week you start to crack under the pressure. We’re talking full on, Yellow Wallpaper levels of crazy, so please do everyone a favor and take a …

SPOILER ALERT: Could This Be Why Colton Jumps The Fence? Betches

Before I get started straying from my normal Betches career content to talking about something that a c t u a l l y blew my mind, I have to tell you: this article has A LOT of spoilers. I literally didn’t think my brain could handle any more celeb drama this week with the whole Khloé/Tristan thing, but deep in the artifacts of Reality Steve, I discovered something juicy AF. And I just have to share. Take this as your official spoiler alert. If you’re one of those people who genuinely wants to be surprised during the final rose ceremony, welp, don’t keep reading. I won’t be offended. I’m just not one of those people. But you can’t come crying …

The Kardashians Have Begun Their Attack On Jordyn Woods Betches

It’s been a dramatic couple of days, but Jordyn-gate is far from over. Yesterday, I spent literally my entire day at work scrolling through Instagram laughing at all the Jordyn Woods memes, but she’s probably not laughing right now. Sources are saying that Jordyn is moving out of Kylie’s house and back in with her mom, which feels…correct. Jordyn has basically spent the last three years mooching off of Kylie, so it’s going to be a tough time now that she has to pay for her own sh*t. But the Kardashian family has never been into showing sympathy, so they’re wasting no time in beginning their public roasting of Jordyn Woods. The first to strike was Kourtney Kardashian, who posted …

The Best Natural Beauty Products For A Healthy Glow-Up Betches

Slightly switching gears: I am not a health nut because I love Domino’s thin-crust pizza too much (bless up) , but the recent cancer diagnosis of a family member forced me to reevaluate the toxic sh*t I put on and in my body. It’s been real f*ckboys, but I gotta say goodbye. Ladies, do yourselves a favor and look at the ingredients chemicals in your foundation, perfume and lip gloss. Is it just me, or is every ingredient a 15-syllable word that ends in “oxide?” I mean, I feel like Penelope Cruz in that Pantene commercial trying to pronounce some of the ish on the label of my Laura Mercier tinted moisturizer. I know what you’re thinking: Why don’t you just …

Why I Spent Nearly $2,000 To Try To Have My First Orgasm Betches

I wanted to come, and I became increasingly pissed that I hadn’t. I was ready to drop some serious dollars to experience this abstract, apparently transcendent sensation. As the saying goes, “There’s no such thing as a free orgasm.” I’m here to confirm that: coming ended up costing me nearly $2,000. I present to you: an itemized receipt for my first orgasm. I’m 22, still not concerned that I haven’t come yet. At this point, the solution seems as simple as buying a vibrator, any vibrator. I go to Good Vibrations in Boston with some friends, giggle a lot, and buy a vibrator that looks sleek and modern because aesthetics are important to me. My friend says, confidently, “You’ll come …

An Investigation Into Who Is Leaking Kim Kardashian’s Looks Betches

While the past 24 hours have been completely taken over by the news of Jordyn Woods and Tristan Thompson hooking up (allegedly), that’s not all that’s been happening in the Kardashian universe. This week, Kim Kardashian has also been dealing with a scandal of her own, and I’m here to get to the bottom of it. In recent years, it’s become a huge trend for fast fashion websites like Fashion Nova and MissGuided to create inexpensive replicas of outfits that celebrities wear. The Kardashians and Jenners are some of the most-copied celebs, and these stores put in overtime to get the dupe designs up for sale as quickly as possible. Today, we’re talking about the biggest Kardashian mystery of 2019, …

The Funniest Jordyn and Tristan Memes Betches

Last night, we were all shocked beyond belief at the news of Jordyn Woods allegedly hooking up with Tristan Thompson. Could the betrayal be any more extreme? Has girl code ever been violated in a worse way? Probably not. Reportedly, Tristan was in LA to spend Valentine’s Day with Khloé, but then he spent Sunday night making out with Jordyn at a house party. Really, the part about Tristan cheating isn’t shocking, considering he couldn’t even keep it in his pants days before Khloé had his baby. Now, rumor has it that Khloé broke up with Tristan, and we can only assume that Jordyn isn’t really welcome to live at Kylie’s house anymore. I get annoyed when my friends stay …

Did Kristen And Carter From ‘Vanderpump Rules’ Break Up? Betches

It was only a matter of time. The relationships on this season of Vanderpump Rules all seemed a little too stable. No one cheated on anyone else in front of an elderly patient. No one got a stripper pregnant in Vegas. Sure, Ariana and Lala had a drunken “moment” in the back of a car, but Sandoval seemed more turned on by that than anything else. High fives all around for girl-on-girl action! It truly seemed like these nearly middle-aged degenerates may have gotten their act together. Enter Kristen and Carter. On Monday night’s episode of Vanderpump Rules, we were treated to some Crazy Kristen moments, the likes of which we have rarely seen since she screamed at her boss …

What An Instagram Cleanse Taught Me About Myself Betches

As a self-proclaimed Instagram addict, I struggled harder than I thought I would after temporarily deactivating the app that basically legalized stalking. Bless up, Mike Krieger. However, like any sort of cleanse, (unless it’s a juice cleanse during which you are miserable the entire time), the longer I went on my Instagram cleanse, the less I craved it. And by “it,” I mean attention and validation from my followers. I’m aware that sounded very cult-esque, but tell me what Instagram is if not a raging cult with millions of followers? I’LL WAIT. Anyway, going without Instagram is like that episode of Broad City where both Abbi and Ilana’s phones break during the most epic rainbow and they are just like …