This Is Why Your Closed Facebook Groups Went Secret Today Betches

Ask any millennial about their favorite social media platforms, and they’ll tell you Facebook is largely dying out. It’s basically all fear-mongering and your relatives doing embarrassing sh*t on there, anyway, with the additions of political rants nobody asked for and people you haven’t spoken to since high school trying to sell you stuff you don’t want or need. What a fun place! It’s no wonder we’re all flocking to Instagram. Facebook’s one saving grace, though? Facebook groups. If you know, you know. If you don’t know, you probably think I’m some middle-aged loser. Let me tell you, Facebook groups are secretly where it’s at—they are these fun little communities (minus the hateful, racist, right-wing ones—those are terrible and scary) …

Does Liking Vanilla Sex Make You Bad In Bed? Betches

These are words that come out of my best girlfriend’s mouth and I try not to act absolutely horrified. It’s a typical girl’s night for my crew, so we’re getting completely wrecked over $8 bottles of Trader Joe’s wine and lamenting over the sh*tty men life has dealt us. My story for the evening was going to consist of “and then he refused to go down on me, can you believe it?!” I was going to be equal parts angry and indignant. There would be a lot of angry huffing and even more drinking. Or maybe I would talk about the guy I dated before this guy, whose idea of foreplay consisted of three minutes of finger banging and some …

I Was Sober At A Music Festival & This Is What It Taught Me Betches

So I was surprised as anyone to find myself, at 10pm on Friday night at Shaky Beats festival in Atlanta, as Rüfüs Du Sol closed out day one, dead-ass sober. I guess, in order to really get the full picture, I have to back up a bit. The year was 2018. The weekend was Labor Day. The festival was Electric Zoo, one of my favorite festivals that I have been going to for the past three or four years. (I have lost count at this point.) Every year, I tell myself that I’m not going to do too many interviews and I’m just going to enjoy the festival, and every year, all three days, I get sucked into doing an …

8 Secretly Aggressive Email Phrases And When To Use Them Betches

Need more brutally honest career advice? Buy our third book, When’s Happy Hour, available now in paperback! that The worst part of email is that you never know what the f*ck people are TRYING to say. Sometimes it feels like people are trying to be so politically correct in corporate chatter that meanings get muddled. Like does following up actually mean, “why the heck did you not read my message?” (hint: yes, it does).   What’s a straightforward girl boss to do?! To help you understand all the work drams coming your way in your inbox (grab some popcorn, babes), we have gladly written out a full-on dictionary (ok, eight) secretly aggressive email phrases, and what they mean. So next time …

This Story Of An Heiress Who Faked Her Own Wedding For Publicity Is Insane Betches

Here’s the tea. Andi Potamkin, of Potamkin Auto Group fame/wealth (never heard of it, but k), and Jordan Blackmore, celebrity hairstylist to the stars, met in 2006 at a Miami nightclub. I feel like this gives you a good barometer of the level of opulence and douchiness we are about to deal with. Four years and who knows how many spray tans later, Jordan proposed to Andi with a $90,000 ring. See? I told you. Opulence. They even got matching tattoos that said “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.” See? I told you: douchiness. NY Post There were yoga and watercolor classes, guided walks and custom-made paper dolls in the image of each guest to accompany the …

5 Things Men Need To Stop Doing In Bed Betches

Ever since I was old enough to subscribe to women’s magazines, I have had mixed feelings about them. While I am a believer in self-improvement, the barrage of articles telling me I should change or improve some aspect of myself made me feel inadequate. Never was this feeling more acute than after reading the sex tips offered by these magazines. I thought I was doing just fine in this area and had never received a bad review, but if these magazines were to be believed, I would need to stand on my head and breathe through my nose while blindfolded in order to really impress in the bedroom. I’m all for keeping things exciting, especially in the context of a …

The Best Celebrity Mother’s Day Posts Betches

Like any other holiday in 2019, Mother’s Day is 25% about what you’re doing in real life, and 75% about what you post on social media. Maybe you took your mom out to a nice brunch, or at least gave a her a nice phone call, but I’m willing to bet that no matter what, but either way you definitely posted 47 photos of her on your Instagram story, despite the fact that she couldn’t figure out how to use Instagram if her life depended on it. Celebrities are no different than us when it comes to holidays on the internet, and nearly every famous person who is/has a mom posted something to mark Mother’s Day. Obviously, all moms are …

Its Time To Settle Down: Weekly Horoscopes May 13-17 Betches

It’s Monday, which means it’s time to take a look at how much the stars are going to f*ck us over this week. Venus moves out of Aries and into Taurus this week, bringing some much-needed stability to our love lives, thank goodness. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself in less of a “take shots and makeout in the bathroom” mood, and more of a “binge-watch Netflix and try out a new Blue Apron recipe” mood. Go with it. It’s probably for the best. Taurus This week is going to be huge, Taurus. Now is the time to finally launch that podcast/website/Riverdale fan page you’ve been dreaming about. The world needs to hear your ideas! Besides, with Game of …

‘Vanderpump Rules’ Reunion Part 1 Recap: Everyone Shut The F*ck Up Betches

The way they are introducing the reunion is very annoying, with cuts of the gang getting ready inter-spliced with soundbites of everyone saying their best zingers. I will not be recapping that, and you all can deal, because we’re just going to view those same soundbites at some point anyway over the next three weeks. Andy spends 10 minutes doing a round of introductions, thanking James for bringing his cleft chin. This is like Andy’s roast portion of the evening. We open with James’s complete fall from grace this season, and the infamous “Jax f*cked Faith” rap. Lisa asks James if he planned the rap, and he says condescendingly, “No Lisa, I didn’t plan the rap. It was a freestyle.” …

The Most Random Celebrities At The 2019 Met Gala Betches

Last night was the annual Met Gala, and many of the world’s biggest stars took to the red carpet to show us their interpretations of Camp. Some nailed it, while others were more on the boring side, but there was a lot going on. While we were busy focusing on A-listers like Cardi B and Jennifer Lopez, there were also some random faces on the pink carpet. The Met Gala is a notoriously exclusive event, so how did these unfamiliar faces manage to get tickets? Call Kris Jenner, because this is a job for the FBI. R U KIDDINGG MEEE, BABEEEEE.😭😍 that look so uncomfortable but i hope you enjoyyy. HAPPY MET ! A post shared by Liza (@foreverlizakoshy) on …

5 Natural Ways To Fall Asleep That Have Nothing To Do With Melatonin Betches

Fight Clubdon’tInsomnia affects everyone slightly differently, and it affected me the way dementia affects your grandma. For those of you who are about to tell me that was an insensitive joke, it wasn’t a joke! I participated in a sleep study, which officially ruled that my brain had been in a dementia-like state since the insomnia started, just six months before. And unfortunately for everyone who knew me at the time, I was in that terrifying state for another eight months. Ugh, so nostalgic for my fun and carefree college days! Because my Sergeant already went into detail re: how awful insomnia is, I’m just going to say “seconded on all counts” and talk about happier things, like natural ways …

How to Save Money As A Bridesmaid Wedding Season

Like most things in life, you have to make a lot of mistakes before learning the lesson, and my first time as a bridesmaid was no exception. I literally spent a few dollars shy of my rent (!!) on this shindig, which is saying a lot because I live in Manhattan and, for anyone who has a friend living in New York, you know how much we love to complain about our rent. Anyway, what I learned too late was that I don’t have to live without running water for a month because I threw my money for bills at being a bridesmaid. Luckily, Credit Karma’s Dana Marineau, VP of Brand, Creative, and Communications is here to impart some of …

Wait, Kourtney Said She And Scott Are ‘Soulmates’?! Betches

Hi friends. Let’s talk about Scott and Kourtney. They were the OG Kardashian power couple, way before Kanye came on the scene and turned them all into robots. Obviously, they had their issues, and the romance didn’t last. In the past few years, we’ve seen them work on their relationship as parents, and it seems like they’ve come a long way. Of course, it’s fun to talk about if they’ll get back together, or what their astrology says about their relationship, what does this mean in real life? Are Scott and Kourtney ever going to be together again? Will we ever get more iconic scenes of them being petty about their relationship? Let’s discuss, because there have been new developments, …

WTF Is Red Light Therapy & Should You Try It? Betches

It’s no secret by now that I’m a fan of high-tech beauty hacks. So when I was offered the chance to write about red light therapy, I dove in—despite having absolutely no idea what it was. 48 hours later, I’m semi-seriously considering taking out a loan to buy a Joovv Elite and converting a wall of my (tiny) apartment into a red light therapy studio. (Don’t worry, I’ll explain what a Joovv is, my uninitiated friends.) But first, a rundown of WTF red light therapy actually is, how it works, and What Is Red Light Therapy? Red light therapy is, in the end, very much what it sounds like: a form of therapy for your body using red light. To …

Let’s F*cking Calm Down About Kylie’s Instagram Caption Betches

I guess I will just assume my role as the Betches resident Kylie Jenner response team (of one), because today everyone on the damn internet was in a frenzy about Kylie Jenner’s Instagram tribute to Travis Scott. First of all, now that I used the phrase “everyone on the damn internet” in earnest, please change my name to Gertrude and my age to 80, effective immediately. *Shakes fist at the sky* Great, now that you all have gotten off my lawn, let’s take a moment to dissect the caption that Kylie Jenner posted in honor of Travis Scott’s birthday. Travis turned 28 years old today, and Kylie is only 21, a fact that slightly shocks me, even though I definitely …

The 8 Best Music Festivals You Havent Heard Of Betches

Having withdrawal from Coachella? Want to go to a festival you can actually afford? Same on both accounts. Live music is an expensive habit, and a lot of festivals don’t come cheap. The solution? Instead of going to a big-name festival where tickets will cost you a month’s rent in a Southern U.S. city, set your sights on a lesser-known one. These underground festivals will often pull some big names, and plenty of newcomers just waiting to be discovered. That’s the best part of a festival anyway, right? Discovering new artists because you just happen to walk by their set? That’s how I discovered Flosstradamus, one fateful Bonnaroo night. Anyway, this isn’t about me; it’s about you. Sort of. Check …